Where I've Been.

Sometimes life gets hard and intensely personal. Sometimes you just don't have the guts or even the desire anymore to share it so openly.

Nothing funny is happening. Nothing that will make you laugh, or make you smile. Maybe I lost my touch somewhere and I don't see things the same way anymore. Maybe I just need a rest, a regrouping.

Beautiful things are happening. Hard things. Things I have to keep deep in my heart, safeguard because they are so easily broken. Is it someone? Yes, there's someone-- that's part of it. You can't know about him yet. I'm hardly even allowed to know about him yet. I know I'm not making any sense.

Do I miss you? More than words can say. I wish I were better at writing letters, or even dropping postcards. There are five or six beautiful letters that are rotting in the bottom of my drawer, for no reason. They're out of date, they're passé... and maybe someday I'll send them anyway. Just know that I miss you. Jory. Tiffa. I think of you every single day and wish I could ask for your advice, wish I had you close by-- you are my best advisors. I wish I were better at such extraordinary correspondence... but I have not forgotten you. Ever.

Am I all right? Maybe better than I've ever been. Maybe worse. I think somewhere that I made the final shift into growing up; this is the woman I am. I started taking responsibility. I started thinking clearly.

Maybe I'll move someplace else; someplace better, someplace that doesn't carry all these memories inside it. Starting over, because my life is starting over somehow. If you want to follow me, you know where to find me; either that, or I'll let you know.

Just know that I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you. If this is the last thing I ever write here, know that I do. Thank you for loving me too.